


Blackout

by devo79



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-14
Updated: 2012-04-14
Packaged: 2017-11-03 15:27:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/382967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devo79/pseuds/devo79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander brings his daughter to Spike and Angel. He wants to ask for a favour...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

To say that they were surprised was an understatement. They were way beyond surprised. Way way beyond. But that didn’t change the fact that he was standing there, with a little girl attached to his leg. Her small chubby fingers clenching the fabric of his jeans. Didn’t change the fact that he looked tired and worn, pale and thin. 

“Hey,” he said and scratched his cheek just under the eye patch and looked from Angel to Spike. 

“Harris?” Spike mumbled and took a step forward but stopped when the little girl growled at him. 

“Hey, baby, it’s all right. They’re our new friends,” Xander said as he knelt down in front of the girl and pulled off her strawberry red hat. A mass of midnight blue curls tumbled down into her face and the little girl giggled and smiled up at Xander revealing very sharp teeth. 

“Xander?” Angel asked as Xander stood up holding the little girl in his arms. 

“I need a favour, De…Angel.” he said and patted the girl’s back. 

\----------------------------------------------------------- 

They were sitting at the kitchen table and watched Azure eat the Happy Meal Xander had brought with him. The girl made small happy noises as she unwrapped the plastic toy that came with the meal.

”Look, Daddy.” she whispered and held up a little green car. 

”Why don’t you go play with that?” Xander whispered back. 

”’K, Daddy!” she laughed as she ran out of the kitchen and into the lobby. 

”Xander…Why…” Angel began. 

”I heard about Cordy and the rest of your crew,” Xander said and leant back in the kitchen chair. He looked around the kitchen and smiled.   
”Heard that you guys took out a dragon…Imagine that.” 

”Was a bloody big bastard, that one.” Spike nodded. 

”I’m sorry about…about Cordy and Wesley and…I’m sure there were others…that I don’t know about,” Xander ran a hand through his hair and sighed. 

”Yeah,” Angel said. 

”So, Harris, what do ya want?” Spike stood up and walked over to the open kitchen door and looked into the lobby, watched Azure play with her small toy car. 

”I already told you…I need a favour,” Xander answered the blond vampire but his eyes were fixed on Angel. 

”What kind of favour?” Angel asked. 

”I want you to drain me,” Xander said matter-of-fact.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m sorry…What?” Angel was certain he had heard wrong. There was no way…

“I want…need…you to drain me,” Xander repeated. A bump and a surprised shout followed by crying made Xander stand up and move into the lobby. Azure stood next to the couch, rubbing her butt.

“I felled, Daddy.” she pouted and sniffed.

“Come here,” Xander said and picked the little girl up “Shhh. You only bumped your butt,” Xander said and Azure giggled “See, not so bad.” Xander grinned and kissed the point of her nose.

The little girl sighed and snuggled closer to Xander.

“I’m sorry, Angel.” Xander said and turned around so he was facing the two vampires. Xander suddenly seemed pale and he slowly let Azure slide down from his hip and onto the floor where the little girl stood looking up a her daddy. “She’s really tired and…so am I.” Xander mumbled reaching out for the couch.

“Ya all right?” Spike asked uncertainly.

“No,” Xander said and shook his head “No, not really.” Azure patted Xander’s hand.

“All the rooms on the first floor are ready,” Angel said and looked over at Spike.

“I’ll show ya where ta put the little one down for the night,” Spike said and started walking up the stairs.

“Come on, Sweety. Spike’s gonna show us where to sleep,” Xander said. He picked up Azure again and slowly followed Spike up the stairs.

\---------------------------------------

“Mind telling me what the hell is going on?” Spike said as he sat down at the kitchen table. Angel handed Spike a mug of warm blood and sat down as well.

“I have no idea,” Angel stared into his mug.

“Well, she’s asleep now.” Xander entered the room. He had a small bag in his hand. He pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. Xander closed his eyes for a few seconds and then looked up at Spike and Angel.

“I gotta tell you,” Xander sighed “I never thought I would be happy to see the two of you.”

“Xander…” Angel pushed his mug away and was about to continue when Xander interrupted.

“I need you to let me say this,” Xander looked Angel in the eyes “I need you not to interrupt me and I need you not to ask questions…at least not until I’m done.” Angel nodded. “Thanks.”

“ I’ve been fighting since I was a kid. Vamps, demons, you name it and I’ve probably killed it or helped someone else kill it. I’ve helped Buffy stop a few apocalypses, made sure my best friend didn’t end the world. I’ve looked death in the eyes so many times it started getting ridiculous. I guess that’s why I’ve always made sure to love the people that mattered to me with every fibre of my being…because I knew death could snatch them away,” Xander stopped and rubbed his palm against his cheek.

“I’ve always known I wouldn’t die of old age. Figured I’d get turned or maybe killed as a message to Buffy.” He started taking pill bottles out of the small bag “Imagine my surprise when I found out that my worst enemy wasn’t a demon. Wasn’t the next world-ending apocalypse.”

“These…” Xander put the last pill bottle on the kitchen table and pressed a finger on each lid as he continued “are different forms of pain medication. I honestly never knew they came in so many forms or had so many different names. But they all serve one purpose: to make me get through the day, to make things bearable for just one more day, one more day with Azure.”

“You’re dying,” Angel said. Spike stood up, the chair screeching against the linoleum floor.

“Yeah,” Xander said.

“Ya can’t,” Spike glared at the human.

“It’s not like I’m all happy and cheering death on here, Spike.” Xander said and smiled sadly at the vampire “I don’t want to die but it’s not like I have a lot of choice here.”

“I have leukaemia,” Xander said and twisted the lid off one of the bottles.


	3. Chapter 3

“So you’re getting some kind of treatment,” Angel said waving his big hand at the pill bottles lined up on the kitchen table “Right?”

Spike was still standing up, one hand clenched around the back of his chair.

“I have four months left…maybe…maybe even less,” Xander said after he had swallowed the little white pill. “With treatment I could have six months maybe even ten.”

“So ya get the treatment,” Spike demanded.

“No,” Xander shook his head.

“No?!” Spike yelled and grabbed the chair and threw it at the wall.

“You’ll wake her up,” Xander said calmly and started putting the pill bottles back in the bag.

“Xander,” Angel reached out and took one of the bottles out of the human’s hands “You can’t just give up. I know you. You never give up.”

“I can have four good months,” Xander’s hand closed around Angel’s. “I can have four months without too much pain. Or I can have ten…wasting away in a hospital.”

“They’d help ya,” Spike had walked over to where the chair had landed. One of the legs had fallen off and the vampire was pushing it around with his foot.

“They would pump me full of drugs,” Angel finally let go of the last pill bottle and Xander put it in the bag with the rest. “I wouldn’t…couldn’t be with Azure.”

“Why come here? Why come to us?” Angel asked.

“What would Willow do if I went to her?” Xander asked and pushed the bag away from himself.

“She’d…” Angel began.

“She’d do everything ta make sure ya got better. Got treatment,” Spike said and nodded in Xander’s direction. “She’d talk ya into it. Use magic if she had to.”

“But if you explained it to her I’m sure she would listen,” Angel stood up and rinsed his mug.

“She almost ended the world when Tara died,” Xander took a deep breath. “What do you think she would do to keep me alive?”

“Everything,” Spike pulled out another chair and sat back down at the table.

\-------------------------------------------------

Xander was checking in on Azure when someone knocked on the door to their room.

“Yeah,” Xander said quietly.

“It’s just me,” Angel opened the door enough to look in.

“Come on in,” Xander smiled and stood up. He pulled the bedspread up over the little girl’s shoulders and kissed her dark blue curls.

“Spike didn’t wake her?” Angel was still standing in the doorway.

“Naw,” Xander shook his head “When she gets this tired you could drop a bomb and she wouldn’t notice.” Xander moved over to the door and was about to walk out of the room but Angel grabbed his arm just above the elbow and whispered

“Please, Xander. I don’t think I can do it.”

“Then you can’t, Angel.” Xander said leaning slightly forward “I was asking you for a favour, not commanding you to do it.”

“But why me? Why would you want me to…”

“Can we go downstairs and talk?” Xander asked and looked over his shoulder at Azure.

\-------------------------------------------

“I’ve had some time to think this through,” Xander said and looked from Angel to Spike. “I don’t want you guys to think this has been an easy decision for me to make.” Xander looked tired but continued.

“I’ve actually gone through more or less every possible way to do this. The easiest way would be to overdose on the pain meds. Just take too many one night, go to bed and never get up again. But…” Xander shook his head “That wouldn’t be…I can’t explain it but that to me would be…too easy. Too much like giving up. Not to mention that I might not actually die. I might just screw up…and let‘s face it, with my luck, I probably would.”

Spike was fingering a small knife he had been fiddling with before Xander had arrived that night and Xander reached out and took it. He seemed to weigh it in his hand. “I could have chosen this…could have slit my wrists. Pretty fast way to go but messy and who would find me? Azure? I couldn’t take that chance.”

He handed the knife back to Spike. The vampire stared at it and then let it drop down on the table.

“Then there’s hanging…but there’s just a world of no right there. Choking to death. Not very peaceful. Poison? The same problems as overdosing. Could end up spending my last few days hooked up to machines cause I fucked up the amount or something.”

Angel was silently studying the table.

“Drowning? Also not something I’d wanna do…I know that I’m asking a lot, Angel.” Xander looked at Angel and smiled apolitically “I know that but…This way I can be with Azure until the very last minute. She won’t have to see me wasting away.”

“What about her?” Spike asked and looked at Xander “What’ll happen to her?”

“Buffy could…” Angel started but then looked uncertain.

“No,” Xander said calmly “No. Azure is part demon. Buffy doesn’t have the best track record with demons. No offence,” Xander said and looked first at Angel then at Spike. “Buffy has…a…guess you could call it a one-track mind where demons are concerned. She’s spent her life fighting…killing demons.”

“I don’t want Azure to grow up with that…My request isn’t just for you to drain me, Angel.” For the first time since arriving at the Hyperion Xander looked nervous. “I know about Connor and everything that happened here…the whole mess…I-I…I know…Cordy said you were a good father. That you loved Connor and would have done anything for him.”

“Xander,” Angel was paler than normal, his hands clenched into fists.

“I’m not…Azure only has me,” Xander murmured.

“What about her mother?” Spike asked and looked intrigued.

“Toma?” Xander chuckled “Toma would have kicked your ass if he’d heard you call him Azure’s mother,” Xander laughed. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and took a picture out. He pushed it across the table in Spike’s direction but Angel snatched it up and looked at it.

“You ended up with an Adrogyadi demon?” Angel asked and couldn’t help smiling.

“Yeah,” Xander said “There I was, with my newly installed gayness and I hooked up with this really hot guy.” Spike reached out and finally got Angel to hand over the photo.

In the picture a tall, slim young man had his arm around a grinning Xander. At first glance the man could pass as human. His hair was dark blue but anyone could dye their hair. It was the purple eyes and the sharp teeth that gave him away.

“Imagine my surprise when I finally got him out of his clothes,” Xander took the picture and put it on the table, framing it with his hands.

“Didn’t find what ya expected under those tight jeans?” Spike teased.

“No. I knew he was a demon but well…” Xander said, his voice low and quiet “No. Man, I was the luckiest guy in the world. We travelled around for a few years. Africa. Europe. Before I even knew what was happening we had Azure and were hauling diaper bags around.”

“This…Toma…he’s not around anymore?” Angel asked gently, knowing that there was a hidden pain there.

“Ran into a group of demons that took offence. Apparently even demons can have Nazi tendencies.”


	4. Chapter 4

A week went by. Slowly. Fast. Unnoticed.

It was easy to forget that Xander was dying. Inch by inch. Easy because he never complained, never whined. They could pretend it wasn’t there. Big and overshadowing.

They pretended until they woke up one day and found Xander passed out in the bathroom.

\--------------------------------------

“God damn it, Spike!” Angel yelled and tried to get Xander to sit up. The human’s limp hands trying to grasp the edge of the toilet. Xander groaned and threw up, his breathing raspy and laboured.

“What?” Spike came running into the bathroom. He took one look at Xander and turned around, opened the in-build closet and grabbed a few towels.

“Is ’k,” Xander mumbled and curled his arms around the toilet.

“You’re cold, Xander. You’re not okay,” Angel said and pulled Xander closer. Spike cleaned Xander’s face with one of the towels.

“Daddy?” a small voice asked from the doorway. Azure was standing there. Her arms hugging a small pink blanket to her chest. She had tears in her eyes and her dark blue curls fell over her face making her look even paler than she was.

“I’m o-okay, Honey.” Xander said and made an effort to sit up straighter.

\-----------------------------------------

Spike was sitting on the couch, watching TV. He zapped from channel to channel. Stopping here and there to mock an actor or a reporter.

“Hi,” Spike turned his head and looked at Azure. She stood next to the couch, her hair pulled into a ponytail. She smiled at him and crawled onto the couch and settled down next to Spike, as if they had always been the best buddies in the world.

“Yeah,” Spike said and kept on zapping.

“My Daddy says you drink blood and that Angel drinks blood too,” Azure said and looked up at Spike.

“Does he now,” Spike said and studied the screen. A big breasted woman was doing some kind of aerobics exercise.

“Mmmm. And my Daddy says that he’s gonna hafta go ’way and then I hafta stay with Angel,” Spike turned and looked at the little girl. Her eyes were glued to the screen where the woman was going on and on about the benefit of a proper diet. “I have a dollar,” Azure said and started fishing around in her pocket “Look,” she held up the gleaming coin “Daddy says it’s a lucky dollar cause he found it with my Toma.”

“Yeah?” Spike said and Azure put the coin in his bigger hand and nodded.

“My Daddy only has one eye…but he says he has eyes in the back of his head so he can see if I steal cookies,” she looked doubtful “I haven’t see ’em,” she whispered conspiratorially and nodded sagely “I think he just says it so I can’t go steal cookies.”

“Yeah, he’s a sneaky bugger,” Spike chuckled.

“What’s a bugger?” Azure said forgetting about her dollar and the woman on the TV.

“Um…It’s a…” Spike looked from the dollar in his hand to the little girl sitting next to him, her head tilted as she waited for the answer. “Want ta watch cartoons?” he asked.

“Mmmmm,” Azure said and leant closer to Spike, resting her head against his arm.

They sat in silence for a few seconds then Azure shifted and said, quietly as if she thought Spike might not want to hear “My Daddy cries sometimes…He cries and….”Spike didn’t move or speak, he just waited. “He was crying…now…but Angel…He said I had to go down here.”

“Peaches is helping ya dad now,” Spike said and pulled the little girl closer.

“I don’t like peaches,” Azure mumbled half asleep “I like apples.”

\-------------------------------------------

“Can I paint that wall white?” Xander asked Angel and pointed at the wall next to the door that lead from his room to the hallway.

“White?” Angel asked and Xander just nodded “Sure. Yeah, you can paint it white.”

“Thanks, man.” Xander said and was about to walk out of the room when he suddenly stopped and swayed slightly.

“Hey, Xander.” Angel said and steadied Xander by putting his hands on the human’s shoulders.

“Just a little dizzy,” Xander said and let Angel’s hands carry his weight for a few seconds.

\-----------------------------------------

Spike walked into Xander’s room with Azure resting against his chest. She had fallen asleep at the kitchen table in the middle of drawing a picture of a puppy.

Xander was standing in front of what had, only a few hours earlier, been an empty newly painted white wall. Now it had two names on it. In the middle of the wall, in black paint, the names Toma and Azure had been written.

“What’s that then?” Spike asked, cradling Azure in his arms, as he stood next to Xander.

“My life,” Xander said and pointed at the wall with the paintbrush. “The most important people in my life. It’s not done yet…I hope I have time to finish it.”


	5. Chapter 5

Spike pulled Xander’s overheated body closer. It was like hugging a furnace. The feverish young man mumbled as he moaned against the pillow. Spike murmured reassuringly against Xander’s ear. The room was too hot and Spike reached out for the bowl of cool water on the nightstand. He manoeuvred slightly so he could pick up the cloth floating in the water. He washed Xander’s flushed face and chest.

“How’s he doing?” Angel asked from the doorway. The tall vampire was holding new clean sheets in his hands.

“Still too warm. Seems to be getting better, though.” Spike said as he crawled out of the bed.

“I’ll hold him and you change the sheets,” Angel said and pushed the pristine white sheets against Spike’s chest. Angel walked over to the other side of the bed and lifted Xander up, the sheet pulled around the human’s warm body. Angel took a few steps and settled in the comfy chair. He cradled Xander closer to him and looked down when Xander mumbled

“Toma?”

“No,” Angel whispered “Just me.”

Spike stripped the bed, letting the damp sheets fall in a pile by the door. It only took the blond vampire a few minutes to change the sheets.

“I’ll go down and eat,” Spike said almost reluctantly.

“Azure is still sleeping,” Angel said and gently pushed a lock of dark hair away from Xander’s forehead. Spike nodded and left the room, quietly closing the door behind him. Angel stood up, still holding Xander close against his chest, and moved over to the bed.

“Warm,” Xander mumbled when Angel tried to pull the covers over him after he had put Xander on the bed. Angel rubbed Xander’s shoulder until the young man calmed down. The vampire then stripped down to his boxers and slipped in behind Xander.

Angel lay facing the white wall. New names had been written on it. Underneath the names Toma and Azure, a good 8 inches further down, were the names Willow, Giles and Buffy. To the left of those names stood Jesse, the J slightly crooked. Next to Toma, a little below the t, stood Anya.

 

Not all the names were the same size. Jesse was almost written in letters as big as Toma and Azure. Willow slightly smaller than Jesse and Anya bigger than Buffy. Giles was written in different, more flawless letters, as if Xander had taken more time writing the watcher’s name than he had writing Buffy’s or Willow’s.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Xander was sitting at the kitchen table watching Azure draw. Her small hands held the crayons tightly as she drew big houses and dogs and candy castles.

“Look Daddy,” she said and stabbed her index finger against a new sheet of white paper “I’m gonna draw you and Angel and Spike and we’re all gonna be at the beach.” She started drawing, her pink tongue sticking out between her lips as she concentrated on making Spike’s neon yellow hair just right.

“And we’d take my new puppy with us and he’d be named Barney and he’d be brown, like chocolate. Do you think Spike would help me wash Barney if he got real dirty? And we’d take a basket full of cookies and milk and blood for Spike and Angel and we’d…”

Xander sat back and let Azure’s happy babble wash over him.

\-----------------------------------------------

Spike stood just outside the kitchen door. His hands resting against the doorframe. Listening to Azure painting pretty pictures of a future none of them could ever have. He closed his eyes and tried to steady himself, tried to regain self-control when a large hand closed around his shoulder and turned him around.

Spike sighed and hid his face in Angel’s chest. Letting the older vampire’s soothing words wash the despair away.


	6. Chapter 6

“Daddy?” Azure asked half asleep. Her head was resting against Xander’s chest. “When’re you gonna go ‘way?” Xander ran a hand through her dark blue curls and closed his eye. He took a deep breath, letting his senses fill to overflowing with her. She still smelled a little like an infant. Unspoiled. New.

“Soon, Azure.” Xander whispered against her ear “Very soon.”

“And I gotta stay with Angel and Spike?” her small arms tightened around Xander. 

“You like Spike and Angel…don’t you?” Xander asked anxiously.

“Spike’s funny,” Azure said and Xander could feel her smile against his chest “Angel…“ the smile turned into a frown “gets sad sometimes.”

“Everybody gets sad sometimes,” Xander said.

“Wouldn’t get sad if they had a puppy,” she said hopefully.

“Still talking about the puppy?” Xander smiled and kissed the top of his daughter’s head.

“They’re soft and smell good,” Azure mumbled on the brink of sleep.

“Yeah,” Xander nodded in agreement “You smell good too.”

“’M not a puppy,” she giggled.

“No, you’re my baby girl.” Xander pulled the blanket closer around them.

“Can’t I just go with you, Daddy? When you go ‘way?” she pleaded.

“No, Sweety.” Xander sighed “You need to stay here and make sure Angel and Spike don’t get too sad when I go away… Can you do that for me?”

“Okay,” Azure said and fell asleep.

\-----------------------------------------------

The hotel was quiet. Angel could hear Azure snoring softly upstairs. The sheets moving as she turned around and mumbled almost inaudibly.

“Has he eaten anything today?” Angel asked.

“Ate some bread. Threw it all up again,” Spike was looking at the pictures Azure had been drawing all day. One was of Angel, the little stick man was actually frowning.

“He’s losing weight again,” Angel sat down next to Spike on the couch “For a few weeks he actually gained some weight."

“How much longer?” Spike asked and put the drawings on the small table next to the couch.

“Spike, don’t.” Angel begged quietly.

“Ain’t like we can pretend it won’t happen,” Spike leant his head back, resting it against the couch. He stared at the ceiling and listened to Xander move around in his room. The faint clink of the paint bucket. Xander was humming quietly. A happy little melody.

“I don’t think I can do it,” Angel whispered and seemed to curled in on himself, white knuckled fingers clinging to the armrest.

“Ya promised!” Spike growled and stood up abruptly, pointing an accusing finger at the older vampire. “You can’t back out now,” he hissed “He’s counting on you. You bloody well promised him you’d do it.”

“I know…Don’t you think I know that?!” Angel stood up an started pacing back and forth. “I just don’t think I can.”

“That’s not good enough,” Spike said moving so he stood in Angel’s way “I won’t allow you to fuck up his last moments with your damn uncertainty.”

“I wouldn’t,” Angel shook his head.

“No, you’d just deny him his last wish.” Spike pushed Angel back a few steps. “You backing out on your promise about taking care of the little Bit?” Spike’s eyes were golden but his face still human.

“No,” Angel said “No!”

“So you just can’t do…?” Spike asked, his voice gentler.

“I can’t, Spike.” Angel looked away “I just can’t.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Xander?” Spike asked quietly not wanting to disturb the human. Xander was standing in front of the white wall, writing names with black paint.

“Yeah?” Xander said, turned around and looked at the two vampires.

“We need ta talk,” Spike said and glared at Angel.

“Okay,” Xander said and turned back around “I’m just gonna…” he started writing the last letters of the name he had been finishing when they entered the room.

“I can’t do it!” Angel blurted out suddenly. Xander’s hand jerked violently making the last letter in Cordelia’s name crooked and slightly tilted. The paint brush hovered over the crooked a and Xander’s breath hitched.

“We’ll leave tonight,” Xander said, bent down and carefully placed the paintbrush on the edge of the paint bucket.

“God damn it!” Spike growled and slapped Angel in the back of the head. “Wanker can’t do it but I will.” Spike stepped closer to Xander. “Still going through with this only I’ll do the draining cause mister All-soul-having-bastard can’t do it.”

Xander’s knees buckled in and Spike reached out for him, drawing the shaking body into the safety of his arms.

“I’m sorry,” Xander mumbled “I’m sorry.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Go ‘way,” Xander mumbled and pushed a hand against…fur?

“What?” Xander opened his eye and looked into a pair of brown puppy eyes. The puppy’s pink tongue was hanging out of its mouth as it panted happily.

“Daaaddddyyyyy!” Azure squealed “Spike gave me a puppy! A real puppy!” She jumped onto the bed and hugged the dark brown puppy. “She really likes me, Daddy.” Azure giggled and kissed a floppy puppy ear.

“Hope that’s all right?” Spike said from the door. The vampire was leaning against the doorframe.

“Yeah,” Xander nodded and slowly sat up. He stopped, reached up and pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead.

“Are you dizzy?” Angel asked as he walked into the room. The tall vampire hovered by the bed.

“Just a little,” Xander said and pinched the bridge of his nose “It’ll pass. It always does.” Xander turned his attention to Azure’s happy babble.

“I wanna call her…” Azure looked thoughtful “Puppy,” the little girl said and frowned at Spike when he snorted.

“Well,” Xander said and smiled “She won’t be a puppy forever, you know.”

“Oh,” Azure said and looked up at Angel “You wanna name her?” she asked him.

“Oh…um…I’ve never named an animal before,” Angel said and looked slightly panicky.

“Could call her Pretty?” Spike suggested.

“Pretty…” Azure said the name slowly as if trying it out.

Xander looked at the puppy. It looked right back and tilted its small head. Xander reached out and ruffled its fur. “Could call her Omega,” Xander said, his voice almost a whisper.

“Omega,” Azure said and hugged the puppy again “I like that, Daddy.” She jumped down from the bed, her baby blue dress falling into place. “Come, Omega. I wanna show you my room.” The little dog barked once and tumbled off the bed as it followed the giggling girl.

The room was quiet for a few seconds, only Xander’s breathing could be heard.

“Omega,” Angel said quietly.

“The end,” Spike mumbled and closed his eyes.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Xander was in the middle of writing a new name on the wall when he suddenly felt nauseous. He dropped the paintbrush on the lid of the paint bucket and hurried over to the bathroom. He only just made it to the toilet before he lost his lunch.

He sat there, on the floor, for a few minutes. His head resting against the toilet seat. Xander opened his eye then closed it again. There was blood in the toilet. Not much. No more than there had been the previous three days but still…it was blood. Another sign that time was running out.

He slowly stood up, bracing himself against the sink, and made sure to flush the toilet at least a few times. No reason to worry Angel and Spike. They worried too much as it was.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Azure was asleep on the couch. Her head resting in Spike’s lap. Omega, the puppy, curled around her feet. Xander was sitting in one of the more comfy chairs. He closed his eye and breathed deeply.

“We need to talk about…” Angel said from his position on the floor. The dark-haired vampire was sitting with his back against the side of Xander’s chair.

“About?” Xander asked and ran his hand through Angel’s hair. It was surprisingly soft.

“We could just turn you,” Spike said and brushed a dark blue curl out of Azure’s face. The little girl scrunched up her face and wriggled her toes, making Omega curl up closer to her.

“No,” Xander said and rested his hands in his lap. “I already told you. No turning, no magic.”

“But if we turned you and then…” Angel began but Xander interrupted him.

“And then what? I wait a few years for Azure to get old enough for me to start worrying about her dying of old age or, God forbid, disease. Then what? I turn her too?” Xander stood up and looked down at Angel. “I’m human. We die. It’s what makes us human. That we don’t have…forever. We’re fragile. I used to resent that. Buffy was the Slayer, Willow was a witch…They were all something more than human. More than me. But…”

Xander sighed and ran a shaking hand through his hair “But what I didn’t get was that…being human… being mortal and fragile is what makes us…strong. I couldn’t imagine living forever. No expiration date. No end of the road. Forever to do…anything…nothing. I don’t want to mess with nature. I’ve always been human. I think…” Xander looked from Angel to Spike, his eye finally resting on his sleeping daughter. “I think I’d like to end that way too.”

\------------------------------------------------------------

The wall was almost covered in names. Xander looked around the room and smiled. Apparently one wall wouldn’t be enough.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

“What about after…after it’s done?” Spike asked Xander. They were standing in what had previously been Xander’s room. It had been stripped. The bed and the rest of the furniture were gone. The walls, the ceiling and even the floor had been painted white. Names already covered two of the walls and part of the ceiling.

“After?” Xander asked and looked back at Spike as he finished writing yet another name.

“When you’re dead,” Spike clarified.

“Burn me,” Xander said “I’ve seen too many zombies, too many fledges. I don’t want there to be anything left to resurrect.”

“Sunnydale born and breed,” Spike smiled.

“Yeah,” Xander grinned.


	8. Chapter 8

Xander looked at his daughter. She was sitting on the floor, her blue hair tumbling over her eyes as she concentrated on writing her own name. She was nibbling on her lower lip and frowning in deep concentration. 

“Look, Daddy.” She held the paper up so Xander could see her masterpiece. The a was huge and seemed to wobble, leaning against the z and the u was scrunched up between the z and the r. She had even attempted to write her last name. Next to Azure stood Hrise.

“ Looks good, Sweety. But here...let me help you with Harris,” Xander smiled, took the blue pen and wrote Harris. “There. You see? You were missing some letters,” Azure nodded and took the paper and started practicing again. Her pink tongue trapped between her teeth.

“Angel said we were gonna eat all your favourites tonight, Daddy.“ Azure said as she dotted the i.

"He did?” Xander sat down on the floor next to Azure. 

“Uh huh,” she nodded and looked thoughtful “Can we go to the park tomorrow, Daddy? Just you and me and Omega?” the puppy looked up, from it position next to the couch, when it heard its name. The dog started wagging its tail. 

“No, Azure.” Xander said and pulled the little girl close “I can’t go with you to the park tomorrow.” Xander whispered against her curls. 

“But can we go some other day?” Azure cuddled closer. 

“You could ask Angel or Spike,” Xander suggested “You’ve never been to the park after dark, have you?” Azure shook her head. Her dark blue hair brushed against Xander’s lips. 

\----------------------------------------------------- 

“You ready?” Spike asked and turned his attention to the older vampire. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready,” Angel said and put Azure’s plate on the table. 

“No way back now,” Spike murmured. 

“No,” Angel nodded as he stared at the grinning cartoon characters on the little girl’s favourite glass. 

\--------------------------------------------------- 

“Thanks,” Xander said as he watched Angel and Spike clear the table. Azure was playing in the lobby. The happy giggling and barks easily heard in the kitchen. 

“Was just food,” Spike said and shrugged. 

“I wasn’t talking about the food,” Xander said and looked down at his hands. 

\-------------------------------------------------- 

“Why didn’t Snow White just kick the evil stepmother’s butt?” Azure asked and looked uncertainly at her father. 

“Well, the prince had to kiss her and save her so they could live happily forever and ever,” Xander said and pointed at the picture of Snow White and the prince. 

“I bet Spike could kick her butt,” Azure mumbled and closed her eyes. Xander held her close and smiled. 

“I’m sure he could, Honey.” Xander kissed the top of her head and mumbled “I love you, Azure.” 

“Love you too, Daddy.” Azure murmured as she slowly fell asleep. 

“Who else loves you?” Xander asked. 

“Toma,” she said and smiled.

“And?” Xander asked. 

“Angel and Spike,” Azure sighed against her pillow “And Omega…” she added as she slipped away. 

“You ready?” Angel asked quietly, not wanting to wake Azure. 

Xander slowly disentangled himself from Azure’s arms and climbed out of the bed. He stood there for a minute or so. Memorizing the image of her. Soft dark blue curls spread out on the pillow, pink lips parted, long dark eyelashes. She made a small sound and turned a little in her sleep. Her small hand settling on the pillow Xander had been resting against. Xander leant down and kissed her cheek. 

“Don’t grow up too fast,” he whispered and left the room. 

\--------------------------------------------- 

Xander entered his bedroom. Spike was sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands limp in his lap, his blond head lowered. Angel stopped right behind Xander, a large comforting hand settling on the human’s shoulder. 

“Spike?” Xander took a step closer and Spike looked up “It’s time.” 

“Yeah,” Spike nodded.

“How do you want to do this?” Angel asked Xander.

“Could you hold me?" Xander asked Angel, walked over to the bed and sat down next to Spike. Angel looked uncertain but then said

“Anything you want, Xander.”

“Thank you…both of you,” Xander took Spike’s hand and held it. Angel sat down on the opposite side of the bed with his back to Spike and Xander. He was breathing and Xander closed his eye and whispered. 

“You can still say no.” 

“Won’t,” Spike shook his head and pulled Xander closer. 

\------------------------------------------------ 

“Will it hurt?” Xander asked as he lay on the bed, Angel’s arms around him and Spike kneeling on the bed next to them. 

“The bite,” Angel said and rubbed Xander’s arm “Nothing else.” Spike reached out and gently took Xander’s hand. He pushed the sleeve of Xander’s shirt away and let his thumb caress the soft skin on the human’s wrist. Spike kissed it and felt the blood rush through the veins hidden under the pale skin. 

Spike looked up and said “Xander?” 

“I’m ready,” Xander said and smiled. Spike closed his eyes and bit into the skin. Xander gasped and felt Angel tighten his hold around his waist. 

It was a strange sensation. Like his heart was trying to pump his blood around his body in one direction while Spike was drawing it in another. Xander’s breath hitched and he shivered. Spike sobbed against Xander’s wrist. 

“Shhhh,” Xander cupped Spike’s cheek with the hand resting against the vampire’s face. Spike simply sobbed louder and Xander leant over him and kissed his brow. “Shhhhh.” 

“I feel light-headed,” Xander slurred after a few minutes. 

“It’s almost over,” Angel whispered against Xander’s ear “Almost.” 

“Tell…Azure…” Xander mumbled “Tell…her…tell her…I love her,” Xander said breathlessly. 

“She knows, Xander. She’s always known,” Angel said and caressed Xander’s face. 

“Make sure…she…doesn’t forget,” Xander sighed. 

“She won’t,” Angel promised. Xander sighed one last time and passed out. Spike’s fingers were running soothingly up and down Xander’s arm. After a few more minutes Spike sat up. 

“It’s done,” he whispered as if he was afraid of disturbing Xander. 

\------------------------------------------------------- 

They stood outside the door to Xander’s bedroom. Angel turned and looked down the hallway. At the end of the hall was Xander’s old room. Xander had kept the door locked the last few days. Now Angel could see that it was standing ajar. 

They both walked down the hall and paused outside the room. Spike reached out and pushed the door open and walked in. Angel hovered near the door. 

“Turn on the light,” Spike said quietly and Angel flipped the switch. 

Names. 

Names from floor to ceiling. 

Some places the names even seemed to crawl over the white ceiling as if they were trying to escape. In a spiral the names Rhonda, Kyle, Tor and Heidi framed the word Hyena. Some places the names were evenly spaced out on the wall, other places it seemed as if Xander had remembered more names than he had room for.

“Boy must have written the names of everyone he ever met,” Spike said as he turned around and looked at the walls. Each and everyone of them were covered in names. 

“The floor,” Angel said and took a step back. The floor was covered as well. Spike knelt down and let his fingers trace the name Ampata. 

“Spike,” Angel’s voice was faint, almost a whisper. Spike stood up and turned. Angel was standing in front of the wall that had started it all. 

“He…” Angel said disbelievingly. Spike walked over and stood next to Angel. 

Their names were written in black paint. 

Framing Azure’s name. 

\----------------------------------------------------- 

The end.


	9. Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue to the Blackout series.

The first time he heard it, Spike was sure he was going crazy. He tried to ignore it. Turned on the radio, stalked out of the Hyperion looking for a spot of violence.

But he wasn’t the only one who noticed. Omega would sit in the hallway, head tilted as if listening for something. The dog would whine almost soundlessly and wander restlessly back and forth. Spike left it out there, walked to his own room, crawled into bed and pulled the covers over his head. 

\------------------------------------------------------

“Daddy’s painting again,” Azure said one morning as they sat at the kitchen table.

\------------------------------------------------

“I…um…I don’t know if we should go in there,” Angel said and looked from the closed door to Spike.

“Been weeks since he…Haven’t been in there since, have we?” Spike asked and didn’t look away from the door.

“What if we walk in there and…” Angel whispered.

“Won’t know if we don’t,” Spike pointed out. His long pale fingers wrapped around the door handle and opened the door. The sound of footsteps and the clink of a paint bucket stopped. Both vampires stood as if frozen. The room was quiet. Dead.

“Nothing,” Angel sounded disappointed.

\--------------------------------------------------

Footsteps. A bucket being moved around. Soft murmuring and humming. It became a nightly routine to open the door to Xander’s old room and say “Night, Xander.”

The sounds would stop the second the door was opened. It wasn’t so much the absence of sound as it was the sound of someone trying to be quiet.

Sometimes Angel would stand there, halfway inside the room, hand clenching the door handle, for a few minutes. As if he was daring the sounds to resume. The second Angel walked out, closing the door behind him, the noises of someone moving around inside continued.

\------------------------------------------------------

Some nights the sounds would grow in volume and Azure would wake up and go down the hallway, Omega trudging behind her, and she would knock on the door and say “Stop making all that noise. I can’t sleep!”

The sounds would stop and a low humming would start. Spike recognised the melody.

You are my sunshine


	10. Sound of silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2nd epilogue to the Blackout series.

As they slowly moved through the abandoned building the sounds from the comm-units echoed off the bare walls. Despite the fact that their flashlights gave plenty of light they hovered close together.

“Sergeant,” one of the soldiers said as he silently moved past the other members of their unit.

“Yes, Rodriguez” Sergeant Wolf answered the technician

“The scanner shows signs of body heat somewhere on the first floor,” the soldier said as he fiddled with the small scanner in his hands.

“Any indication of how many?” Wolf turned to the two soldiers bringing up the rear, “Martin and Wright,” he said pointing at the two of them, “I want you to secure the lobby while we check out the scanner.”

“Yes, sir,” Wright said, her eyes already checking out the shadowy corners of the large room.

“I can’t see how many people are on the first floor and this might be a wrong reading anyway,” Rodriguez said.

”A wrong reading?” Wolf leant over the shorter man’s shoulder and looked at the scanner, ”That scanner is new. Shouldn’t it work?”

”The scanner is operating fine,” Rodriguez said defensively.

”Wasn’t mocking your new toy, son,” the sergeant grinned.

”Sorry,” Rodriguez mumbled, ”It’s this place. I’ve never been in this part of town before,” the dark haired man shrugged, ”I’ve heard rumors…and the house is huge. Why’d they build something so big?”

”It was a hotel,” Wolf explained as he looked up to check on the others.

”A hotel?” Hill, who had joined them, asked.

”People used to come here if they were traveling,” Wolf pointed at the staircase, ”They would pay to stay in a room as long as they stayed in town.”

”Must’ve been before they restricted traveling,” Hill said.

”Yeah,” Wolf nodded, ”Long before our time.”

”Before the plague,” Rodriguez added.

”Definitely before the plague,” Hill mumbled as he, uncomfortable with the new topic, walked away to help Martin and Wright secure the lobby.

”So that body heat the scanner is picking up?” Wolf said and tapped the side of the scanner with his flashlight.

”It could be an animal,” Rodriguez started pushing some of the icons on the touchpad.

”All the way out here?” Wolf said disbelievingly, ”Couldn’t be bigger than a rat then.”

”Too big for a rat,” the technician shook his head, ”And it seems to blink in and out of existence.”

”Maybe a broken pipe… steam from the sewers?” Wolf looked up as Martin and Wright made the ‘all clear sign’ from across the lobby.

”Look,” Rodriguez said and pointed to the little screen, ”There it is again.” Wolf watched as a body heat signature appeared on the screen and then disappeared.

”Sir,” Hill said from behind them.

”Yes?” the sergeant turned away from Rodriguez.

”I found these,” the sturdy soldier said and handed Wolf a few sheets of old yellowed paper.

The thin and worn paper started to crumble at the corners when he took them. Wolf looked down at the strange drawings. Three stickmen, a smiling sun, a little stickman with what looked like blue curls…

”Is that a dog?” Hill asked and pointed at the small childish depiction of the animal.

”Yeah,” Wolf felt his throat tighten, ”Yeah, it’s a dog.”

”I’ve never seen a real one,” Hill said excitedly.

”I had one when I was a kid,” Wolf traced the dog with his fingernail as he remembered soft yellow fur and trusting brown eyes

”Really?” Hill sounded astounded, ”I remember my mother talking about dogs and cats…you know…how people kept them as pets before the plague wiped them out…”

”Yeah,” Wolf said tonelessly, ”Where did you find these?”

”In the kitchen,” the soldier said and hooked a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the kitchen.

”Anything else in there?” the sergeant asked.

”No, sir.”

”Okay,” Wolf nodded at the small group of soldiers, ”Lets check this heat signature out so we can get out of here. We won’t find anything here anyway but you know how the Captain gets. We’ll check it out and report back. The sooner we’re out of here the sooner we can go through disinfection and go home.”

\-----------------------------------------------------

The staircase creaked under their feet and Hill’s foot went through one of the wooden steps.

”We better stay close to the wall,” Wright said, ”House is at least a hundred years old. Shit could fall down any second.”

”Naw,” Rodriguez said as he clipped the scanner to his belt when they got to the top of the stairs, ”The building is at least three hundred years old.”

”Won’t fall down on your head anyway, Wright,” Martin said as he smiled at her, ”They knew how to build back then.”

”Still,” the young woman hefted her rifle, ”Place creeps me out,” she mumbled, her eyes lingering on a bloody handprint on the wall, a few inches above the sergeant’s head.

\------------------------------------------------------

”Okay,” Wolf whispered, ”Hill, Wright,” he pointed at the two soldiers, ”When we go inside you come with me. We’ll check out the heat signature.

”I have the precise location now, sir,” Rodriguez passed the scanner to his superior, “Down the hall. Last room.”

Wolf’s only answer was a nod and then they started down the hallway.

The numbers on the doors had fallen off years earlier, leaving shadows behind that looked almost ghostly in the dim light from their flashlights.

A small sound, like the clink of a metal bucket, made the soldiers freeze and grab tightly on to their weapons. The sound was gone as soon as it had appeared, drowned out by their rapidly beating hearts.

A lamp over one of the doors to their right suddenly started blinking. The halo of the yellow light casting long shadows.

“Jesus,” Martin whispered and shuddered, “I thought you said there weren’t any electricity this far out,” the soldier grated out almost accusingly.

“There isn’t,” Rodriguez swallowed nervously.

“Then how the fuck…” Hill hissed.

“Shhh,” Wolf held up his hand and watched as they all heard what he had though he’d only imagined.

Humming.

Happy, carefree humming.

“Oh, fuck,” Martin murmured, his eyes locked on the soft light streaming out from under the door at the end of the hall.

Wolf handed the scanner to Rodriguez. The shorter man’s fingers shook a little as he used it.

”Nothing,” Rodriguez said and then gave the scanner a hard jab with the side of his hand, ”Useless piece of…It’s not picking anything up,” he reported to the sergeant.

”Okay,” Wolf closed his eyes for a second and then looked back at his unit, ”We’ll have to go in.”

\--------------------------------------------

Wolf knelt next to the door and looked down the hallway. Hill and Wright were pressed against the opposite wall with their weapons ready, clutched in white-knuckled hands.

The sergeant reached out and grabbed on to the door handle. He slowly turned it. To his surprise the door quietly opened. The room behind it was shrouded in darkness and the only sounds those of his own heavy breathing.

He waved a hand at Hill and Wright and the two soldiers hurried past him, securing the room. Wolf followed, pausing to nod at Rodriguez and Martin to join them.

“Empty,” Hill said and shone his flashlight around the room.

“What’s that on the walls?” Wright asked, her voice seemed muffled in the dusty room.

“Looks like…” Rodriguez stepped closer to one of the walls. He reached out and let his gloved hand cover some of the writing, ”Looks like names.”

The others stepped closer and watched as the light from their flashlights uncovered once-white walls with faded writing covering them.

”The floor as well,” Hill said and stepped away so he wasn’t standing on the letters.

”This looks like nothing I’ve seen before,” Wolf turned and started reading the words out loud, ”Anya…Tor…Jesse…”

”Wonder who those people were?” Martin knelt down and looked at some of the names written on the floor.

”I’ve seen graffiti before,” Wright said, ”Down on the lower levels…On the subway walls.”

”Yeah,” Rodriguez nodded, ”But usually those were just cusswords. Slurs against the government back when the plague started raging through the population.”

“This is different,” Wolf agreed, “Just names…”

“Maybe it’s a list of people who died during the plague,” Hill suggested.

“Too old,” Rodriguez held up his scanner, ”The writing is at least two hundred years old.”

“What do we do about it?” Martin asked.

Wolf just made a small throaty sound, his attention held by one word written only a two feet up the wall. The letters clumpy and strangely tilting, as if the writer hadn’t been very good at forming them.

The sergeant followed the form of the first letter. The D much bigger than the following letters. It suddenly hit him that a child had written this one single word. Had probably frowned as the letters appeared black on white on the wall. He could almost imagine the child tilting its head as it bit its lip. Trying for perfect and only achieving those wobbly mismatched letters.

“Do we report this, sir?” Martin asked.

“No,” Wolf said as he stood up and dusted off his knees, “There’s nothing to report. Just names on a wall,” he said wistfully and Martin smiled.

“Wouldn’t want to waste the investigators time out here. They’d probably have to take the walls down to check they weren’t missing something,” Hill said and smiled conspiratorially at the others.

“Nothing worth mentioning,” Wright agreed and looked over at Rodriguez.

Rodriguez studied the sergeant for a second and then nodded.

\-----------------------------------------

Wolf watched his men walk quietly down the hallway. He turned around and let his flashlight illuminate the walls. He stopped when he reached the wobbly letters two feet above the floor. A crack in the wall separated the word from the others and made it look as if the word had been trapped in the corner of the room.

His lips formed the letters as the light flowed over them.

”Daddy,” Wolf whispered to the empty room and took a step back, closed the door and started walking down the hall.

He turned back when he heard the faint humming resume and smiled as the soft yellow light streamed out from under the closed door.

”Nope,” the sergeant said as he started walking down the stairs, ”Nothing worth reporting.”

\------------------------------------------

The end


End file.
